DAMN THAT MONEY Damn that money Damn that money Damn that money You go walking out my door Please, don’t leave me money... Money, money, money... Money, money, money, money Please, don’t leave me more When you’re walking out my door Damn that money Damn that money Damn that money You go walking out my door SLOWPOKE This here is the story of Slowpoke, the slowest dick in the west Slowpoke met a woman, tried to fuck her on a train He took so long she fell asleep, woke up, then slept again Finally got his dick out, tried to fuck her on a plane It took off, flew round, landed, then just took right off again... Slowpoke stick yer dick in, quit beating round the bush All you need’s a glob of spit, a hole, and one good push... If you don’t make a booty call, our line will soon expire C’mon Mister Slowpoke, go make your dick perspire... Slowpoke got all wasted, had to go to Outer Space Met a mutant Ewok with a faggot for a face He said "Hey Slowpoke, gonna make your dick throw up..." Slowpoke took so goddamn long the shuttle just blew up Slowpoke stick yer dick in and give that thing a push All you need’s a dildo and the guy who sings for Bush... Maybe cuz’ yer dick’s so big, you just can’t find the end Slowpoke with your big fat dick you’ll be my big fat friend Slowpoke is a constellation whose light will never die Pinned in eternal blackness kinda like a butterfly... And next to him’s a naked lady made of shining stars... Just a dick-length outta reach, but that’s one lick too far Slowpoke got retarded and I swear the pussy parted And I think my doggy farted... ohhh If you don’t make a booty call our line will soon expire Maybe cuz’ yer dick’s so big you should go fuck a tire SHOULD THE UGLY GIRL BLOW ME? Should the ugly girl blow me? Though it will destroy my soul Should the ugly girl blow me? Next to the toilet bowl Should the ugly girl blow me? In her stupid fuckin’ rubber bondage suit Should the ugly girl blow me? Next to a tray of fruit Her face is plain Don’t know her name Don’t like her hair But still, she’s there – the ugly girl... Blow Me! Blow Me! Blow Me! Should the ugly girl blow me? Now the point is rather moot (as I’m fucking her) Should the ugly girl blow me? Now out the bus door I am chucking her Why did the ugly girl blow me? As I watch her bounce down the road What did the ugly girl show me? Her eyes glued shut with my load Her face is plain Don’t know her name Don’t like her hair But still, she’s there The ugly girl blows me THE CHINESE HAVE NO CHEESE I walk into a Chinese restaurant and can’t get cheese They ask me to order something else please But this is America I demand my cheese In a Chinese restaurant I do as I please The Chinese eat no cheese They think we smell like shit Everybody must have cheese Still the Chinese don’t believe So I took my problem and I went overseas To the land of the giant jingo-Japanese But I couldn’t get enough ice in my Coke My world fell apart! The Chinese eat no cheese They think we smell like shit Why the hell won’t they eat our cheese I challenge 10,000 centuries! So I took my problem and I went to Mars I stumbled round all the crummy downtown bars But I couldn’t get enough dicks in my butt My ass fell apart! The Chinese eat no cheese They think we smell like shit Why the hell won’t they eat our cheese We challenge 10,000 centuries! Well I walk into a Chinese restaurant And I ordered a lamb Prepared in a way that is dear To the folk of Iran I begged and pleaded My entreaty went unheeded My mission it took place in a pan The cheese of the Jesus It deforms the fetus The turd of a Western man... The Chinese eat no cheese They think we smell like shit Everybody must have cheese Still the Chinese don’t believe! The Chinese eat no cheese The Chinese eat no cheese The Chinese eat no cheese The Chinese eat no cheese They’re inscrutable They’re unstoppable Nice complexions No pimples pop-able What about Crab Rangoon? MUSIC IS LIKE BEER Music Music Music is like beer x4 You listen to the song You have a lot of fun As soon as it is done You want another one! Music is like beer Music is like beer Music is like beer Sex All I need is music, beer, and a little bit of sleep Now I’m awake, bring me sex Our music is like beer Music Music Music is like beer x4 Drink music Eat beer Sex HARD FOR A 'TARD Well, I guess I probably fucked about a million girls And if half of them were women, I’d shit a string of pearls Still, I guess that most of them were usually men... Society makes a man mouth-fuck his best friend Hard for a ‘tard I saw her in the yard Walking after kitty, she stepped in a turd Hard for a ‘tard Got her in my car Slipped into her tard-hole, she didn’t say a word... Fucking this retarded chick at the end of the block She gets confused by the smell of air But the sex is fantastic so I just don’t care Something about this retard gets me hard as a rock She gets lost falling down the stairs But she sure knows her way around my pubic hairs Hard for a ‘tard Her brain is deeply scarred Throwing rocks at Kitty, she’s eating a turd Hard for a ‘tard Get in the fucking car Retarded chicks should be fucked and not heard Now her hot retard pussy always there for the taking You know she won a Golden Globe, you know she could be faking And still the quest for Oscar gold we are together making As my lumpy penis-pie her vagi-stove is baking I’m in love with a girl that’s fucking retarded The only time she made a sound was when her pussy farted But it gets better and I’m telling ya how... I found her medicare checks and I’m cashing them now... Hard for a ‘tard My perfect putt was parred Kitty is becoming a turd Hard for a ‘tard The turd is in a jar Retards and old people need some cock too... Hard for a ‘tard x4 Retarded chicks should be fucked and not heard I WANNA BE A SQUIRREL Oh yes I wanna be a squirrel You know I wanna be a squirrel Without a trouble in the world I’d live up in a tree And I’d be so happy Yes I wanna be a squirrel I also wanna be with you Instead of haunting bars We’d be out chasing cars When we fall in love We can’t pick the day Squirrels they never fall Happier that way Because I wanna be a squirrel Oh yes I wanna be a squirrel And would you be my squirrelly girl? I’d throw my nuts at you And we’d go have a chew Because I wanna be a squirrel I also wanna be a Narwhal I’d swim around your boat And you’d jump down my throat When we fall in love We can’t pick the day Squirrels they never fall Happier that way Whistle while you work Hitler was a jerk Mussolini Bit his wienie Now it doesn’t work SHATILLA Shatilla, Shatilla Shatilla, Shatilla Shatilla, Shatilla Shatilla, Shatilla Stinking summer 1982 The Israels pushed hard – the armor soon broke through They took Beirut and then drove on the camps The people of Shatilla didn’t have a fucking chance (chorus) If our allies do evil well what the fuck are we? If a child is raised a killer then what can his father be? Do we desire a peace that will last? Or is genocide just a doom of our past? (chorus) We brought a battleship – we let the fucker rip They made a truck go boom – our base became a tomb We fought this fucking war – we’ll fight 1000 more Signposts along the way – what do they fucking say? Shatilla HE'S GOING CRAZY! He’s going crazy He’s going insane! (repeat until insane) MAKE MONEY OFF YOUR FRIENDS Don’t you wanna buy what I got in my pocket I got a lot Don’t you wanna buy what I got in my pocket I got pot Don’t you wanna buy? What I got in my Pocket Money Friend Pot Make money off your friends! Yeah... DOG LOG When I was a boy I had a log I threw it on the fire and it turned into a dog Me and my boy went walking in the woods He fell off the waterfall Say I was a boy I had a log I threw it on the fire and it turned into a dog Me and my boy went walking in the woods He fell off the waterfall... He fell off the waterfall... He fell off the waterfall... And he turned into a dog SLIPS OF PAPER I’m writing a sequence of numbers From a slip of paper To another slip of paper Ooooh oh oh I do it slowly, because I know Unless the sequence of numbers Matches a sequence of numbers Then... Animals will die! Animals will die! Animals will die! Animals will die! Slips of paper My life is defined Slips of paper I hate paper But animals will die I’ve received some paper in the mail I wiped my ass with paper from the jail I sit before a mountain of paper An avalanche from a mountain of paper If I don’t find the correct numbers Within this mass of paper If I don’t find a fucking slip of paper Animals will die! Animals will die! Animals will die! Animals will die! MARCH OF THE FAGGOT SOLDIERS We have fought for centuries to finally have the right To love a man with vengeance and if denied we shall fight Call Mandarin! Call Harlequin! Call every listed mime... Faggot soldiers mobilize and have exotic times We have fought for centuries to finally have the balls To walk around stark naked out in public shopping malls Call Kenny G., call Mister T Call fucking anyone Faggot soldiers get together and they play with guns Mobilization of the faggot soldiers Mobilization of the faggot soldiers Mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo Mobilization Of the faggot soldiers We meet our commander and our fate is in his hands So we listen closely to his complicated plans His jaw is set, his beard is oiled His training is superb Maggot-faggot maniac, a pre-truncated Serb He’ll lead! The March of the faggot soldiers The March of the faggot soldiers They march x8 March of the faggot soldiers All right men, present dicks! There’s the enemy And it’s a fearsome force I can see elements of the 7th Armored Republican Guards "Medina" Division “Das Reich” SS Panzer The Fairfax County Police Al-Queda Oooooohhh... They’re cute...... It’s the Army of the Nation vs. the Nation of the Gays In such a horrid battle how can one side prevail? Such a wretched slaughter that all history shall pale The die is cast... The sword is drawn... We’re cutting to the quick... Then we decide against it and go suck each others dicks It’s the suck job of the faggot soldiers The suck job of the faggot soldiers They suck and fuck and suck and fuck And suck and fuck and suck and fuck They’re sucking and fucking and sucking and fucking And sucking and fucking and sucking and fucking It’s the suck job Of the faggot soldiers! HEY BUDDY Hey Buddy Don’t do that You’re driving On the wrong side of your... Hey Buddy Don’t do that You’re driving On the wrong side of your... Hey Buddy Don’t do that You’re driving On the wrong side of your... On the wrong side of your... On the wrong side of your... Life! MEDIEVAL WEREWOLF It’s Medieval Werewolf Catching a wave Everybody says that he needs a shave He’s just Medieval Werewolf Hanging around Everybody says he’s mangy hound He’s just Medieval Werewolf Combing his pelt, setting the table, his name was mispelt He’s a Medieval Werewolf Feeling no shame, everybody knows his unholy name And now this Medieval Werewolf is learning to surf But on the coast of Medieval Normandy, the surf is the worst And now Medieval Werewolf is running away But that is the price of pornography He’s just Medieval Werewolf Jacking the Jews, sucking the sausage, turning the screws He’s a Medieval Werewolf Not saying no Not saying something about nothing he knows... It’s just Medieval Werewolf Having a growl Odering coffee, taking a towel Medieval Werewolf Medieval Werewolf Medieval Werewolf It’s just Medieval Werewolf He’ll give you such a scare wolf And because he drinks so much he’s falling down the stairs wolf He’s just Medieval Werewolf Dances like Fred Astaire wolf And he’s coming out of his cave and going down to the beach... He’s just Medieval Werewolf Is coming to town, he’s booking a room, the rumors abound Because Medieval Werewolf Has taken a bride, he starts making love, he’s not satisfied He’s just Medieval Werewolf Becomes sanctified, he goes to the club, he then steps inside Because Medieval Werewolf Is getting the bends, he’s crossing the border, he’s not telling friends He’s just Medieval Werewolf Medieval Werewolf And now this tequila warehouse is starting to burst And now this Medieval Werewolf is slaking his thirst And now this Medieval Werewolf is running away... But that is the price of pornography CHURCHMOUSE IN THE SNOW Morning on the battlefield Let go Of the last of life that’s real When you go to your grave as a soldier they say Goodbye, so long... When you go to your grave as a soldier they say You cry, for so long You cry for your Mama Mama... Mama, I’m alone Mama Mama I want to come home Mommy – where’s your baby gonna go? I see – a church mouse in the snow So sad – when you went away I know I’m feeling so afraid Were they trying to destroy the world? Was it madness to shoot a little girl? Did it kill all the joy in your soul? But after a while I realized the answer was no Mama – where’s your baby gonna go? Tulips – sleep beneath the snow You were the strongest person I ever knew I swear I’ll try But I’ll never be as strong as you I know somewhere you watch over me And sometimes you come and you visit my dreams Churchmouse found a place that was warm I love you, the greatest, forever, my Mom ISN'T IT GRAND BOYS? Look at the coffin With bloody brass handles Isn’t it grand boys? To be bloody well dead? Let’s not have a sniffle Let’s have a bloody good cry And always remember the longer you live The sooner you bloody well die Look at the flowers All bloody well withered Isn’t it grand boys? To be bloody well dead? Look at the mourners Bloody well hypocrites Isn’t it grand boys? To be bloody well dead? Look at the widow Bloody great female Isn’t it grand boys? To be bloody well dead? Look at the preacher Sanctimonious bastard Isn’t it grand boys? To be bloody well dead?